Happy Valentine's Day!

"Love consists in overestimating the difference between one woman and another."
- George Bernard Shaw

check out this easy diy chocolate strawberries here.
Instead of telling you what you should buy or do to your loved ones this Valentine's, I want people to take a step back and take a look at why we do all these things. I spent my afternoon watching a few videos on TEDtalks, specifically here and here. If you have an hour or so, I recommend watching them just for some insight on relationships, regardless of whether you're in one or not.

Love and relationships are interesting because there is so many compounds to it. Romanticism and eroticism seem to complicate any notion we have of any Disney happily ever after. There is that want of another person to be everything and nothing. From Esther Perel's talk, people desire predicability and surprise in a sexually committed relationship. We must be able to understand why we love and charge into relationships with such conflicting notions. It is unrealistic to go to one person and demand everything that "only a village could provide". We demand belonging and yet desire our own identity; we want commitment and continuity, but also want awe and mystery. No amount of sex toys and lingerie can save that way of thinking...unless we take a step back and realize what we are doing in our modern relationships.

From Dr. Helen Fisher's talk, Fisher states that when we are in a relationship, the person becomes just "better" than anything else. For instance, your car is just different than any other car in the parking lot. This is a fascinating notion because animalistically, we are designed to love more than one person. Yet, monogamy is (believe it or not) a rather recent notion, which she claims is fueled by female roles changing in modern society. I've yet to come to terms with the idea that we are innately programmed to love more than one person, sexually or emotionally. I'm not negating the idea of family and friendly love, but there is a historical idea that cheating wasn't once as taboo as it is considered now. Reading on why humans cheat, there are explanations besides "that dude was a jerk" and "sex just wasn't good" as reasons for adultery. Call them excuses, call them lies...people are researching and that's what they found and believe, so might as well take a gander and learn something.

This Valentine's, not only should we need to ask ourselves why we love, we should also ask how we love. This year, I have been hearing about Love Languages and other personal loving style articles. Just to share an interesting video, featuring Dr. Helen Fisher:

What's your personality type? What is your ideal type? What is your Significant Other's type? I believe that compatibility in a relationship is not only based on coincidence and fate. It's based off hard work and perseverence. How often do you fall in love with someone who is 100% exactly how you envisioned your lover to be, right?

There is also the idea of the Love Language. My understanding of love language is that it is how we understand and feel love. It's like understanding a language in which only certain things pertain or "click" with us. I know there are many versions of this test, but I googled it and decided to do the first test that appeared in my search results. Take this short personality test (30 questions) and you will receive points (highest being 12) on a scale to which is most likely your "love language".

For anyone who is curious, I scored the highest in Words of Affirmation, which roughly translates to, "I need compliments to feel loved and I can't take criticism very well." Which is actually very true and having done this test, I'm surely going to be more aware of how it affects me and my relationships.

let me know what you got in the comments below!

So in conclusion to my lecture on Love 101, here are a few lessons to be learned: Love is an extremely abstract notion, riddled with terms like romance and sex, which really needs to be understood in many contexts to grasp onto how to thrive in a modern relationship. Too often we are just thrown into heats of passion and rarely take a step back to see why and how we are doing certain things. Love, with its ability to make a martyr out of anyone, should not be taken lightly. Having said that, love is already programmed into us and we are surrounded with it, not only on Valentine's day. Why does anyone need to be confined by one day and to suddenly realize that they haven't shown a person that they love them? That they care? That they appreciate them? That they desire them? We should be making every day...Valentine's Day.

1 comment:

  1. My score:
    7Words of Affirmation
    9Quality Time
    4Receiving Gifts
    3Acts of Service
    7Physical Touch

    So true. Exploring and going on dates are like the highlights of my relationships. Words of affirmation is next. Also, hugs! Lots of them. :)